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Wallflower

7 Sep

Most perfect labor day weekend. Two of my favorite people from Los Angeles came up to visit; did some shopping, ate too much, much needed laugh-fest, etc. Mel chopped away my bangs & I added a few things to my wardrobe. I’m really loving this trend of oversized everything. I hate getting dressed, so if wearing “baggy” things is as close as I can get to never getting out of my pajamas, then so be it. & those shorts…well, they are just so stupid, I couldn’t resist buying them.

I also got a few other things, along with some different hair products from my friend Mallory. She’s shipping them to me. They were not cheap by any means…but thanks to her being so amazing, I got them on a delightful discount & I am hoping my hair grows down to my ass overnight.

Speaking of hair…here’s a picture of my new bingo bango’s.

& one more thing before I go- I used to do this thing on my blog every Tuesday called “Tuesday’s Tunes” (dumbest title in the history of titles, I know). I haven’t done it in a long time, but since it’s Tuesday…

I cannot- CANNOT- stop listening to Temple of the Dog’s first (& only) self-titled album. The album was released in 1991 & definitely has that classic 90’s grunge sound (as it should since the band consists of Eddie Vedder & Chris Cornell). God damn, it’s so good. However, to add into that mix, I’ve also had the song “Gambler’s Blues” by Lightenin’ Hopkins on repeat all weekend too. Go figure.

I will be in New Orleans in exactly 2 weeks. Much needed break from the west coast; can’t wait to be back south & love on all of my favorite people.

Wedding Daze

4 Sep

I am “obsessed” with these rings from Satomi Kawakita. They are a little pricey, but holy moly, they are beautiful. If I ever get married (haha), I’d love to have something like this for my wedding ring instead of a traditional gold/siler band.

Speaking of weddings, a friend of mine back home is getting married in three weeks & is honeymooning in San Francisco. Since they are tight on money (as most newlyweds are) & I will be in New Orleans during the time they are here, I offered them my apartment. It’s cozy & cute &…you know…free. They were pretty happy about it & I was even happier to do it for them.

Also, having to do with weddings (as it’s been on the brain lately- so many of my friends are tying the knot over these next few months), I have started looking at a lot of wedding photography & there’s some pretty amazing things out there.

Here comes the bride

1 Aug

The ever so gorgeous Cherry Blossom Girl (aka: Alix) got married this past week, & though she hasn’t released a lot of pictures just yet (due to honeymooning in Tahiti), the ones she has posted are, of course, breath taking. If you follow this blog, there was no denying her wedding was going to be stunning & make you swoon. I am so excited to see the rest; just look at these photos! & as if the wedding & the people weren’t lovely & dreamy enough on their own, just go ahead & add the fact that everything was in French to the list. Gorgeous. Congratulations to my favorite Parisian!

Source: The Cherry Blossom Girl & Pandora

Magic everywhere in this bitch

2 Jul

Every now & then, all of us could use a little sex advice to spruce up our game. Well, why the hell not take your advice from a group of Juggalos!? & what is a Juggalo, you might ask? They are fans of the band, Insane Clown Posse. They wear clown makeup, can be described as goth…they get a lot of shit for looking fucking retarded, & then they release their anger by listening to music with lyrics such as: Hurry up bitch, I’m hungry, I smell spaghetti. I’d kick her in the butt and tell her get the food ready. (…..yup.)

Luckily for us, a few of these fine people have decided to give us some sex advice. They all got asked the same questions & are even nice enough to explain their language. If it weren’t for them, we’d never know what a neden is!

“Dirty Byrd”; 25

I’ve got my eye on a Juggalo, but I’m not a Juggalette. Should I just give up?

No, that’s fine. My friend Cliff is with this little tiny girl who keeps to herself. I think she actually works as a librarian. It really doesn’t matter. There’s no, like, hard criteria for it. I guess if you’re part of the family it’s easier, but nobody’s going to turn you away for being an outsider.

What’s the best way to pick up a Juggalo?

I don’t know if there really is a best way. We’re all pretty perverted, I guess. We like tattoos and piercing and all that — goth-looking girls, you know.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve seen at a Juggalo event?

Oh shit, where do I start? I was at a Miss Juggalette Pageant one night and I saw a girl get onstage and shove a twelve-inch kielbasa up her neden hole. Juggalos can’t dance, you know? So I guess they got to do something.

Wait, what’s a neden hole?

Oh, we call vaginas nedens.

Do Juggalos have sex in clown makeup?

I don’t — my girl’s not into that kind of shit — but that’s actually a pretty big thing with Juggalos. I was talking to one of my homies the other day and he was like, “Yeah, we got all painted up and made a porno last night.” So it happens, definitely. I remember back in 2003, 2004 there was tons of it around, just like bootleg Juggalo porn. People all painted up. It was pretty crazy.

I’ve been getting serious with a guy. The more I get to know him, the more I realize he’s super Christian. I’m not even a little bit. Should I end it?

No. If you love a girl, then that shouldn’t matter. Unless she’s, like, all gung-ho and trying to convert you. Then maybe you can kick her to the curb. Most things are cool with Juggalos. I’ve seen dudes with 300-pound girls with facial hair and it’s all good. Big, fat, bald, retarded — it’s all good with us.

I was really into this girl. Recently, I looked through her iPod and noticed it was nothing but Ke$ha and Lady Gaga. Is “terrible taste” an okay reason to break things off?

No. But it’s a good reason to just make fun of them.

My girlfriend hooked up with one of her girlfriends and I got mad. She said it didn’t count as cheating, but I’m pissed. Isn’t it cheating no matter who it’s with?

I guess if it was a drunken bar night, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Girls do stuff like that, you know. But if you come home and they’re all over each other on the couch, you’d probably be within your rights to get a little pissed. If they ask you join in, that could be another story, I guess. But I’m not too into lesbians to tell you the truth, so I’d probably be a little angry.

“Ninjalette”; 25

What’s the best way to pick up a Juggalo?

The best way to catch a ‘lo or a ‘lette’s eye is to be yourself. We don’t like players or liars. Be confident. Face paint helps, too.

I’ve got my eye on a Juggalo, but I’m not a Juggalette. Do I still have a shot?

Yes, you do. At the moment, I myself am in a relationship with someone who isn’t a Juggalo.

I’ve been getting serious with a guy. The more I get to know him, the more I realize he’s super Christian. I’m not even a little bit religious. Should I end it?

No, that’s just silly. If you really like this girl, you shouldn’t dump her over her religion. ICP themselves is, in fact, very religious. If you’re a Juggalo, I advise listening to “The Unveiling” from The Wraith: Shangri-la album and “Miracles” from Bang! Pow! Boom! to fully understand the message they’re trying to put out there.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve seen at a Juggalo event?

Full-blown orgies with everybody in clown paint. Faygo everywhere, and lots of naked flesh.

Do Juggalos really have sex in clown makeup?

Some of us do, yes. It lets out the inner you that you’re afraid to show normally. It’s quite a thrill.

My girlfriend hooked up with one of her girlfriends and I got mad. She said it didn’t count as cheating, but I’m pissed. Isn’t it cheating no matter who it’s with?

Yeah, okay, she did the dirty on you, but wouldn’t it turn you on to watch them one day? I suggest a serious sit down and talk with each other. See what you’re both looking for in this relationship. If she wants more than you and you can’t handle it, maybe it’s time to move on.

“Wes”; 19

What’s the best way to pick up a Juggalo?

The best way to catch my eye is to be true to who you are. If you say you are about something, then be about it. Piercings and tattoos are a plus.

I’ve got my eye on a Juggalo, but I’m not a Juggalette. Do I still have a shot?

I have dated a couple of girls who weren’t ‘lettes. Most Juggalos don’t care if you are or aren’t. If a ‘lo connects with a girl then he’s going to like her and possibly date her. It is possible.

Do Juggalos have sex in clown makeup?

I’ve only done this once and she wasn’t even a Juggalette. So I guess you can say we do; I’m pretty sure most of us have tried it.

I’ve been getting serious with a guy. The more I get to know him, the more I realize he’s super Christian. I’m not, even a little bit. Should I end it?

This wouldn’t be a big deal for me unless she is a pushy Christian. Then I may have a problem because she isn’t respecting my beliefs. But most Juggalos I know are Christians and go to church often. But there are some, such as myself, who are atheists or practice other religions.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve seen at a juggalo event?

The craziest thing I’ve seen was at the last concert on Mother’s Day here in Memphis. This chick was getting fucked during the concert and her “man,” or whatever he was, was hitting it from behind. I was in front of her so she started kissing my neck. I was like “Get the fuck off me!” That’s hands down the craziest.

I’m dating a guy who doesn’t smoke. I don’t want to seem like a junkie, but the sex isn’t as good with out it. Is it okay to sneak off and get high before we go to bed?

Well, I for one don’t smoke weed. Nor have I had sex while high. It’s just not worth going to jail, or the money you paid for it. There are a million and one things I could think of buying instead of pot.

I was really into this girl. Recently, I looked through her iPod and noticed it was nothing but Ke$ha and Lady Gaga. Is “terrible taste” an okay reason to break things off?

No. She probably thinks the same about your music. But just because she listens to that type of music does not make her undatable. Just like liking ICP or other bands like them doesn’t make you a Juggalo. Any true Juggalo knows this. So don’t be so quick to judge.

Well, that was fun- wasn’t it?

Source: Nerve

Get ready to jizz your pants, Twitards

30 Jun

One pop-culture phenomenon I hate, you ask? Easy. “Twilight.”

I like Robert Pattinson a lot; aside from “Twilight.” His other films actually show his ability to act…& not to mention, he carries a tune like a songbird. I can’t hate on him. & as much as Kristen Stewart’s “my life is so hard” attitude annoys the ever-living shit out of me, I can’t hate on her too much either. She did a pretty okay job covering “Angel from Montgomery” during her role in “Into the Wild.” & also, I like her new hair color….

Anyway, the new Twilight movie, “Eclipse,” comes out today. Will I see it? Probably not. But this gives me the perfect opportunity to present you with the creepiest Twilight merchandise for purchase. & yes, gays & girls- you’ll be happy to know you can rub your privates all over Edward Cullen’s face if you really want to.

01. Bella’s engagement ring

How much do you want to bet this marriage is going to fail if the Twitard fiancee or the closeted gay man giving this to his fiancee actually wants this as their engagement ring?

02. Edward Cullen silhouette wall decal

…because everyone knows having a shadowed man lurking in the corner of your bedroom watching you sleep is sexy.

03. Twilight dolls

You’re an idiot if you think 7 year old girls are the ones buying these to play with in their Barbie dream house. $100 says women between the ages of 18-35 are the ones spending the most money on Twilight dolls & shoving them in their dream houses…better known as their vaginas.

04. Edward Cullen shower curtain

Cos what’s hotter than a floating head watching you take a shit?

05. Edward Cullen panties

Granted, these were custom made…but I guarantee you they are for sale somewhere on the internet. I don’t even feel like I have to explain why this is creepy or why the girl (or gay man) wearing these probably won’t be getting laid once these are made visable…unless it’s really dark or their partner is really drunk/was slipped a roofie.

06. Twilight body shimmer

I pray to God every night that one day I actually see a man purchasing this.

07. Twilight bandages

Now, this isn’t so much creepy as it is ironic…right?

08. Twilight Condoms

If my boyfriend ever came over to my house & pulled out a “Twilight” condom, our relationship would be over in less than 3 seconds.

09. The Vamp

I saved the best for last. The Twilight dildo. Yes- dildo. It even sparkles in the sunlight. Am I kidding? Absolutely not. What else does it do?, you might ask. According to the product description: “The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience.” I have no words.

…you’re welcome.

Cherried to the max

26 Jun

Hello again, readers. So much has been going on, it’s insane. I’ve been working a lot (I’m a music journalist: I review concerts & albums & drink too much whiskey because it’s free) & my hands feel like they are about to fall off from writing so much. But enough about that, let’s review some of my favorite things over the past week or so.

01. Taylor Locke & the Roughs

– This song has been my main jam for the past few days. Oh God, it’s just so good, I think I may bust.

02. Red lips, red nails, red wine.

– Aside from feeling like I should be backstage at a Motley Crue concert, I’ve been loving this look lately. (This was a screencap from video chatting with a friend back home, & though we’ve been laughing about it, I can’t help but love on my red lipstick.)

03. The cherry blossom girl

– If you’re an avid reader of fashion blogs, chances are you know who this lovely little French lady is. If not, I highly advise you get your little butt over to her blog, because not only is she beautiful- but Lord have mercy, does she own some beautiful clothes & a wonderful camera.

04. Liberty of London nail polish for MAC in Blue India

– I love, love, love this nail polish. It’s my new favorite color & I didn’t even give it a second look before I actually saw someone wearing it. I’m not one to approach people about various things they are wearing, but when I saw that polish, I had to have it. The thing is, however, the Liberty of London collection at MAC came out awhile ago, & though they still have some products on shelves, this polish may be hard to find. I called around to 4 different MAC stores before I finally found a location that still had  few bottles. I ended up buying two (this was about a month ago) & one of my bottles is already close to empty. If you can find this color, grab it!

Noccalula

16 Mar

Going on a day trip to Noccalula Falls tomorrow. I am oh so excited to stomp around outside & find some critters to put in my bug box.

Also, here is a little video from the other night. It’s awful quality cos it was filmed on an iPhone & I was dancing while I was filming most of it, so it’s kind of shaky sometimes. I just couldn’t resist the funk, I guess…I don’t even know.